Raising a little Swede

I have lived away from Sweden for 13 years, maybe it is even 14 by now..I have lost count. It was 2001 when I left Sweden to spend one year in New Zealand as an exchange student. I made the permanent move overseas in 2003. During my 10 years in New Zealand I had a few Swedish friends. These were people who I shared lots of interest with and they just happen to be Swedish. We didn’t hang out to have fika and eat pickled herrings. I didn’t really feel the need to be doing super Swedish stuff all the time. In fact, once we moved to Canada, five years ago, I had stronger connections with kiwis living here and I only knew very few Swedes.

After having a child I have come back to my Swedish roots! The thinking started when I got pregnant: Would I speak Swedish all the time to our baby? How would that feel for Charlie who doesn’t speak the language? Generally I felt pretty out-of-touch with the Swedish language. I only spoke it once or twice a week when I skyped my parents and friends in Sweden.

Our little Canadian, Swede, English and Kiwi baby

Once Mylla arrived to this world, I it all felt obvious to me and I quickly made up my mind. I wanted to speak Swedish. I was surprised how easy it felt. I decided to only speak my language to her even when Charlie is around. Pre-baby, he could only say stupid things like Bullmamma (i.e. mom who likes baking), tax (sausage dog) and Häxbrygd (moon shine), but his vocabulary grew with the baby.

Many people choose to not speak their native tongue since their partner can’t understand it. I have to give Charlie credit for being so encouraging. He understands a fair bit of Swedish now, but he is also very accepting of not knowing exactly everything that is being said around him. He knows that if I want him to understand something in particular which I am communicating to our daughter, I will do so in English. I often say something in Swedish and repeat it again in English to him.

After a while my brain became so hard-wired that if I saw a baby of any nationality, I would start speaking Swedish to it. Swedish became my default baby language.

I spent my year of maternity leave a lot more solitary than I expected. Retrospectively, it felt like the right thing to do. By just being one-on-one with my baby, I could speak Swedish to her until the cows came home. At the beginning, I felt especially aware that others didn’t understand what I was saying to her in “our language”. Now, over three years on, I don’t really care. Tough luck for them. Once again, I would speak English if it is very important for people around me to understand what I am conveying to my daughter.  

Why do I want to speak Swedish to my child? Some people commented “–That will be so good for her CV!”...Hrm, not exactly what drives me to do it. The number one reason for speaking my native tongue to my daughter is for her to be able to understand my parents as she grows up. Their English isn’t great and she won’t get to know the real mormor and morfar unless she knows their language. Firstly, I want my daughter to be able to understand, but secondly also speak some Swedish. Since I don’t have any intentions of actually living in Sweden again I think I have to be realistic with my expectations on her level of spoken/written Swedish.

Raising a child to speak your native tongue is hard work but incredibly rewarding. I always feel so proud (both of my daughter and myself, I must admit) when she speaks Swedish. It gives me warm and fuzzy feeling somehow. When she speaks English to me, I try and mirror her message back to her in Swedish. Sometimes I ask her to repeat it in Swedish, but I don’t force her to do it if doesn’t come naturally. I want the learning to be fun and not be seen as a chore.

Time to sing about the Little Frogs and dance around the May pole

I certainly try my best to give her as much exposure to the language as possible. I never read stories to her in English and try to translate into Swedish (I have certainly done a good job butchering some funny English books with cool rime, e.g. Julia Donaldson books). We skype my parents and friends on a regular basis, listen to Swedish radio, watch SVT barnkanalen (when she is allowed TV), sing Swedish songs, and I try to meet up with Swedish speaking people with kids in Vancouver when we can. I want her to realize that it’s more than mum’s funny language and that there are many of us that sound like the Swedish chef. I try and use the time of tooth brushing as a good opportunity to do a drill of the Swedish alphabet or the Swedish vowels. Now she is trying to teach pappa the subtle difference in pronunciation between kärna and stjärna. He has no clue..of course.

Kärna (pip)

stjärna

I am back to work three days per week since our daughter turned one. My work would like to have me back full-time but I have made it clear that I need time with my daughter to speak Swedish. After three days of day care, she often takes one day to start saying anything in Swedish. 

Do you know Pippe Longstocking? I bloody hope so, otherwise you are missing out!

We have been to Sweden a couple of times since our daughter arrived (at 9 months and recently at 3 years of age). I was almost expecting a bit too much from the trip and was surprised how long it took for our little soul to gear her brain to Swedish. Towards the end of the 10 day trip in Sweden, she was certainly getting the hang of it and used full sentences and many expressions that I know she would not have said in Swedish prior to the trip. She also had some fab Swenglish sometimes:” I’m kasting stens in the water” (meaning I’m throwing rocks in the water) or “I spik svenska (I speak Swedish).

The recent trip seemed to make her more aware that we speak two languages. I can now ask her to say something in Swedish and she can switch from English (at least some of the time).

I have been away from Sweden long enough to loose many of the Swedish traditions and cravings for Swedish food. The traditions that I still practice are:

• Julbord (a la Veronica): I try and do my best with a Swedish julbord (Christmas Eve meal), but in all honesty, there are many dishes I never liked anyways. I pick and choose from the ones I do like and I modify and add a few dishes as I see fit (and call it Swedish since no one knows the difference here in Canada anyway :-)   
•  Pepparkakor and glögg– making ginger bread thins for Christmas served with home made mulled wine (or IKEA version for the kids)
• Soup followed by pancakes every Thursdays: In Sweden and Finland it is traditional to eat pea soup on Thursdays (I often make other kinds of soup), and pancakes for dessert. Traditionally in Sweden it should be accompanied by Swedish punsch (an alcohol, which I have not yet introduced to our child) as beverage and by specific songs (of course…I have spared my family those too…for now).
• Panncake cake (pannkakstårta) - maybe only my own tradition I think inspired by my childhood and Pettsson and Findus. 



Time for making pannkakstårta, says Findus to Pettson

It’s not a very impressive list for the person accustomed to Swedish traditions. For many non-Swedes it seems like there is at least several days per month in Sweden dedicated to eating specific dishes and singing particular songs. I think I have lost touch…due to lack of ingredients and people to sing with!

For all Swedish speakers out there in the world with children and with partners not mastering the language: don’t be afraid of speaking your native tongue.  Be brave, give it a whole-hearted try! Be realistic with your expectations. I am sure that you will be surprised about what kids (and your partner) can learn! I am sure that your child will thank you for it…some day!